Memory

On my back,
the ceiling of my cell like the evening sky
glowing darkness, hues in lightness and varied intensity,
the floor tilts like I'm edging over.

Or, a breath,
infusing, ambient scents of habit;
cotton, conditioner and acrimonious coffee,
and tasting traces of polymer, Persephone and perspiration.

Or, my bloodless throat,
and chest-deflated rapture
in the discusive, consonant voicings
of her giddily tantalizing yet, unapproachable shoes.

Or, for love,
as unkempt compulsion,
balanced in unconditional surrender,
sedated in murky, exasperated encounters,
--a saturated, irretrievable convenant of moments.

Or, in crisis,
unaccountable, unachieved instances obsessing immutable objects,
reconciling the putative present with all potential
--infinite review of past participle: finished work.

Or, an apparition,
like archaic beliefs from abandoned languages
an ancestor worship of the horizon-sized oblivion,
reminiscing in temporal, meandering avatars.

Or, my eyes,
salting the astringent ancillary,
mediating my journey of oxidation,
in limbic, self-reflexive chimeras.

Or, -simply, -automatically,
as an infant's speculative finger,
pawing at available simulacra,
as if pushing a bubble back toward the custodial sky.

(c) 2006 Beeman

Here It Goes Again

A new Ok GO Video. Enjoy!

Erfüllt (Fullness)

I learned this German word from my friend, Danielle, who came to visit us from Germany. It means "to fill up."

Earlier this summer, on my first trip with the running group, we traveled to a beach-side community to run a marathon relay. That's a race where (in this case) 6 people divide the 26.2 mile distance as a team. D honorably represented the female persuasion on this otherwise all male team. As we say, what happens on these things, stays there. Still, it's probably safe to mention that after our early morning race, we proceeded to consume a moderate amount of Anheuser-Busch's finest offerings. So, by about 9pm that night a lot of people were permeated with a feeling of relaxation and artificial invincibility.

It was also about this time that I decided that the percentage of my lifetime I'd spent wandering down the beach was left wanting. So with a full moon to light my way, two swimsuit pockets full of beer and the beckon of the gulf breeze, I hit the open sand.

I drank way too much beer that night. In fact, I think it was a milestone on a recent trend to seriously curtail my alcohol absorption, but it wasn't all bad, either. Walking on the beach, I was as happy as I remember being for quite some time. I walked in and out of the surf, attempting to commit the aroma of the air to memory, watching the moon, wishing for love, but feeling that life was just-really-good. The complete realization of that moment of romantic rapture, personal revelation, existential exuberation, or maybe just drunken mania, could only really be shared with a soulmate or on the pages of a personal memoir. I can say that I remember being totally conscious of my senses; the smell of salt, the sound of the surf, the gritty sand and the singe of its airborne particles, the light reflecting on the crests of the life-saturated water, and the crunchy-salty flavor of the hazy atmosphere swished down with watery beer.

So who wouldn't be feeling a little enamored after such a journey?

D was the only one still up when I got back, and in my drunken stupor, I felt compelled to relate to her my experience on the shore. Of course, it came out like drunken babble and saccharine pontification--not that I need any help with those two endeavors.

One of my muddled musings, involved drinking a good bottle of dry, red wine after a really good run, which at the time I somehow connected to a then-recent line of conjecture about existentialism. Something about doing the running and wine, also makes me feel really good or as I described it to D, "[it makes] my heart feel full." D told me then--while exhibiting much patience--that in German full (in the appropriate context) was "erfüllt." I had a little trouble pronouncing it: err-FOO-lt. (I think that's right.)

I'm not sure what is happening when combining the running and the wine--I don't believe it's simply the alcohol--but its a moment of sensual revelry. My lungs feel clean and my body relaxed. I feel it at other times too, after a good workout at the gym, or even after a cup of green tea.

Maybe it's just a way of describing the enjoyment of the simple things, but I think it's the simple things you enjoy that tell a lot about who you are. So, in dedication to my friend, I wanted to define the idea, so I can expand on it later.

Have a great weekend everyone!

The War on War

I've been thinking about the concept of ahimsa a lot since I first read about it yesterday. It's very difficult to live without violence and it's hard to be certain that your own intent doesn't come from out of anger.

I DO NOT want this to become a political blog, but I saw this today. It's from a few weeks ago, August 30th. There is an urgent tone to it. On Youtube.com where it's posted, there are a number of tags indicating that "Olbermann slams Rumsfeld" or "Olberman rips Rumsfeld."

I don't think it's a slam. It's a criticism, and a rational one that needs to be seriously considered.

I don't see myself as a partisan person, but i see a lot of things to criticize the Bush administration about...and here's one.

9/11

On this 5th anniversary of a day of violence, I happened across another significance for this date in history. 100 years ago, today, Mohandas Gandhi proposed a philosophy, a force for social and political change, he referred to as Satyagraha, also sometimes called passive resistance.

Refering to it as passive resistance understates his intent. Satyagraha literally means "any effort to discover, discern, obtain or apply Truth." It was a philosophy pulled directly out of the Hindu religion, to allow an individual to live in the world without inflicting violence on others.

Satyagraha is formed from 3 principles of hinduism.

• Satya - truth; implying openness, honesty, and fairness.
• Ahimsa - advocating non-violence and a respect for all life.
• Tapasya - willingness for self-sacrifice.

5 years ago, it was our ahimsa--respect for life--that was so offended.

Gandhi said:

In the application of Satyagraha, I discovered, in the earliest stages, that pursuit of Truth did not admit of violence being inflicted on one's opponent, but that he must be weaned from error by patience and sympathy. For, what appears to be truth to the one may appear to be error to the other. And patience means self-suffering. So the doctrine came to mean vindication of Truth, not by infliction of suffering on the opponent but one's own self.

It's ironic that the date of birth of Gandhi's vision of non-violence now also recalls so much violence for so many others. I wish you all peace on this day of reflection.

Bummer

Sorry to see UT lost to Ohio State. I was hoping that would go different.

Tyler Durden

Ok, I'm a Wikipedia addict. I can admit I have a problem. I start by checking a simple fact, and the next thing I know, I've lost an hour reading, linking article to article.

So, earlier this week I found myself reading about the movie, Magnolia. Well, it began harmlessly enough. Bill, the DJ on Radioparadise, played a Fiona Apple song, Extraordinary Machine, only it was the "leaked" version, not the album version. There were still a few holes in my understanding as to why that album's release, so I looked it up on Wiki. How does one get from Fiona to Magnolia?--well, P.T. Anderson, Magnolia's Director, and her dated.

Dood. You titled this entry, Tyler Durden, and the picture--WTF?

Hold on. I'm getting to it.

If you saw Magnolia, you may have had some emotional reaction to the Tom Cruise character, Frank T. J. Mackey. Remember "Seduce and Destroy," the seminar about how to sleep with a lot of women? Well, it's based on a real person, Ross Jefferies, who publishes books and holds seminars similar to what is shown in the movie.

Apparently, Jefferies* comprises a part of the "seduction community," a group of men selling books and advising on sleeping with a lot of women. One of those men is named Tyler Durden. In the book, Fight Club, that name corresponds to an emphatically masculine character. I tried to determine, which use of that unusual name came first, but Wiki has it's limits. It does mention that the seduction community's Tyler Durden changed it from another name.

So what's my point? Can I fit anymore nonsequiturs in this entry? My answer: banana popsicle.

Ok, actually, I want to throw out a Dylan lyric from Boots of Spanish Leather, and let readers, if any, draw their own conclusions. Though, I will offer this, I've been happiest since I learned to just be myself.

Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night

And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,

I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss,

For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.

* There are Wiki articles on this guy and the seduction community, but you'll have to find them yourself.